April 22, 2010 - The GGN Guide to Avoiding Earth Day

So, you live green all year round and every April, you have to watch everyone else preach about how green they are, carry around a canvas bag for a day and then brag about it for a whole year. Rebel! Use this Earth Day to be (or simply imagine) as eco-ignorant as possible. Here's how:

1.     Buy a Lamborghini Murcielago

The Lamborghini Murcielago gets a whopping 8 mpg and eats approximately $4600 a year in gas according to fueleconomy.gov. Don't worry, if you can afford a Lambo, you can probably afford the oil field that is required to fuel this beast.

2.     Breathe Deeply, and Frequently

Come on, let's pump as much CO₂ into the atmosphere as possible!

3.     Only Eat Imported Food

Find a globe. Find your house. Now find the point on the globe as far as possible from your house. Import all your food from that location for the day.

4.     It Feels Good

Replace your reusable hand towels with Kleenex's new disposable hand towels and use as many as possible when drying your hands. Like Kleenex's motto, "It feels good to feel [so environmentally irresponsible]."

5.     Plastics, Plastics, Plastics

Buy a crate (heck, or a pallet) of bottled water. Landfills everywhere will weep when you ignore the recycling bin and head straight for the trash.

6.     Disposable Pillowcases

Pick up a pack of Pb Travel's disposable pillowcases. Like my mom always said, "The softest pillow is a careless conscience."

7.     OneDerWear

Begin wearing OneDerWear's disposable underwear. Sexy.

8.     It's A Me...Mario!

Greenpeace consistently ranks Nintendo as one of the least green electronics companies. Show your support by having a Mario Party marathon on your Wii, DS and Nintendo 64, preferably at the same time to maximize energy consumption.

Danielle Stowe is a writer for Green Guide Network. She can be reached at daniellestowe@gmail.com